If Momma Got Married

If Momma got married,
We could live our lives with a father to help her.
We'll even buy the rice,
But momma doesn't have a life outside of us.

Momma always put our needs before hers,
But now she needs to think of herself,
Momma needs to get married.

Momma needs a man that loves her for her,
Baggage and all,
But when they find out about us,
They run in the opposite direction.

We aren't bad kids,
We just try to see what fits in the toilet,
We fingerpaint the cat with packages of Kool-Aid,
And paint the walls with crayons.

So what if we try to find out if the man is wearing a wig?
So what if the oldest of us picks his pocket
So we can see what credit cards he has?
We have to protect Momma.

She always brings home losers
So it's up to us to weed them out.
So what if we pull pranks on them?
Like the time we put a steak in the guy's pocket so Sam could eat his jacket?

He wasn't right for Momma anyway.
He acted funny and looked at us
As if we hadn't had baths in days.
Just think of how fun it was when Mikey sneezed on his dinner plate!

Momma needs a guy who will love us as much as her,
But she never will find one unless he has kids too.
But she thinks hat a job title is more important.
And we don't care if the guy is a CEO or a CFO of some big corporation.

All we care is that the guy has these qualities:
He must love children
He must love animals
He must love trips.

He has to love mom with all her problems,
He has to care nothing about money
He cannot care if we have manners
He has to be able to help with homework.

Making pancakes on the weekends is important,
Letting Momma have a nap is essential,
Taking us places without Momma is a plus.
But most of all, he has to love Momma no matter what.

Dear God, does a man like that exist in this world?
If so, make him cross Momma's path soon!

the kids

Published on July 15, 2006 in