I Cannot Lose My Best Friend Again!

My world will fall apart if I lose my best friend. I have had this friend since my sophomore year of high school. Recently, she told me that her ob/gyn wants to talk to her on Friday, August 18, 2006, and she will not tell her why.

We went through what all it could be. She has had benign cysts before. But she said that if this is a malignant cyst, she is going to throw a gala party and we will know why, because she will not put her husband and family through what I went through when I had OVCA.

I cannot lose her now after finding her after 20 years of separation. She is the best friend I ever had and I cannot simply lose her and walk down the aisle next June without her there. I need her so bad to be in my life that I cannot stop crying.

I hurt so bad on the inside, no one will be able to take away the pain until I know what is going on with her and her gynecological health.

This is my best friend and my confidant. And the way she dropped the news on me was matter of factly. No tears until we got into the "What if's." I can't lose her, I simply can't and this is the one thing that will drive me into the mental health hospital if the news is bad.

She said that if they cannot give her a guarantee that she will survive, then she will not take treatment. The first reaction I had was to hang my head in my hands after I hung up the phone and cry like a baby. Even as I write this, I can't see the keyboard or the screen for the steady stream of tears that is flowing down my face.

She has been my best friend for 22 years, even throughout the separation of 20 years. My whole being hurts, my physical and my emotional being. I feel so helpless, I feel so lost even though we do not know what is wrong yet.

I just cannot stop worrying and be calm about the whole thing even though I have to get my family packed for our vacation. I have to do laundry and get the clothes packed. But all I can think about right now is what am I going to do if I lose my best girl friend?

I can't concentrate on anything else. All I am doing is being selfish and wanting her to take treatments if it is bad. I'm willing to move to New Jersey to make sure her family gets through anything she has to go through.

Published on August 10, 2006 in